So I’ve spent a lot of time on Zillow lately. A lot. Like enough time to be considered unhealthy. “Common law marriage” kind of durations. Homelessness is fast approaching
General Life
On the Road Again
Those of you who travel for a living will no doubt understand the appeal of abandoning the office and heading out into the world to see new places and meet new people, all while separated from both your families – and often your luggage – by many hundreds of miles. Up, up, and away!
If the women don’t find you handsome…
It’s 8:30pm on a Thursday, and I’m at Home Depot, hunting for a wax ring with the frantic lunacy of someone who’s been forced into an unexpected home repair project. You never see it coming…
All by myself…
Four days ago, my wife left me alone with our son for the first time in our lives. He’s two, and apparently still can’t take care of himself. Also, he’s certifiably insane. And loud. And somehow always sticky. There was good reason to avoid leaving me in charge for so long, but she needed a vacation, and it was time. I pray she comes back. The following are my personal accounts of the weekend’s events, recorded in case one or both of us doesn’t survive. Will they make it?!
Lord of the Valentine
This year for Valentine’s Day, I got a wild hair and decided to make a grand romantic gesture for my wife, thereby making all the other husbands in the area look like chumps. Read on to learn about the dangers of outdoing yourself
The Grapes of Wrath
I don’t want to sound like a prissy snoot-bag, 
but I fancy myself a bit of wine drinker. It wasn’t easy to get to this point, as I typically prefer drinks with high sugar and umbrella content, but my (now) wife and I went to great lengths to develop a taste for the stuff in college. This meant spending what little money I had on lavish dates at expensive restaurants, choking down glasses of wine of that neither of us were especially fond of – often fighting back what we still refer to as our “wine faces” – while politely assuring one another that it was “very good,” and making up the best descriptions we could think of to help hide our disgust, some of which can be seen in the following examples: Continue reading
Goodbye, Cruel World!
This may very well be my final blog post; in fact, these are typically queued a few weeks in advance, so there’s a good chance I’ll already be dead by the time you read this. Click here to cross the great divide!
Classic Tunes
I never really saw myself as a parent. I don’t think anyone else really did either, and with good reason – I’m terribly impatient, and in general, prefer things to be as easy as possible. But that all went out the window a couple years ago when my son was born This story is not about personal growth…
Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves
I love people. Well, most people. Okay, some people – like a handful – out of 7 billion. If you feel the same way then there’s a good chance you’re in that handful. Click to understand why!
Lotto Fever!
It is my sincere hope, for the good of humanity, that I will be STUPIDLY rich from winning Powerball by the time you read this…and while I suppose every column could start that way, THIS time there’s actually a CHANCE!
Big money Big Money no whammie no whammie, STOP!
Reluctantly Aging 